Monday, September 12, 2005

Moe Williams is now my sworn enemy

Well, that was painful while it lasted. I'm out of this season's NFL Suicide pool, thanks to the inability of the Vikings, particularly Culpepper, to hold on to the GDFH football. My hindsight is focusing up: I still remember that I liked the Vikings (and particularly Culpepper) last season, and that all but one of their first few losses could have easily gone the other way. What looms large, regrettably only now, is that they were 8-8.

My only consolation is that I'm not alone. There's a big $$ pool in my industry here, with 100 entrants, which includes weekly picks and a suicide pick. 43 guys were eliminated from the suicide pool yesterday, which probably could have been more, considering what happened to the 5 biggest favourites yesterday:
  • PANTHERS (-7) over Saints -- Panthers lose
  • STEELERS (-7) over Titans -- Steelers win
  • VIKINGS (-6) vs. Bucs -- Vikings lose
  • Rams (-5.5) vs. NINERS -- Rams lose
  • REDSKINS (-5.5) vs. Bears -- Skins win (but don't cover)
The most fascinating/hilarious aspect of yesterday's games, however, was the Mikes. Allow me to have The Sports Guy explain [note - link will rot in a couple weeks]:
The Danny DeVito Award for "Easiest way to realize that something is going to be disappointing before you actually see it."

Ever watch a movie trailer and it looks pretty good, and then you hear the narrator say, "From director Danny DeVito ... " and you immediately change your mind? Same goes for NFL coaches. The four Mikes (Martz, Tice, Holmgren and Sherman) will always be outmatched by a good coach. Any team with Dom Capers or Norv Turner at the helm will underachieve. Herm Edwards' teams will always screw up at the end of games. Mike Shanahan's teams will always be 7-6 with three games remaining in the season (and everyone saying, "Those guys should be 10-3!"). Joe Gibbs was away from the game so long that it's sad to watch. Writers will keep making excuses for Steve Mariucci and Marvin Lewis even as their teams keep underachieving. Marty Schottenheimer will always tighten up in the playoffs. And Danny DeVito will always direct crappy movies.

If you include Mike Shanahan along with "the four Mikes" Simmons lists in the brackets, we have five Mikes of, shall we say, questionable coaching acumen. (There's a 6th, but since the 49ers' Mike Nolan is in his first year, he gets a pass). Yesterday, three Mikes were favoured by more than a field goal, and Sherman and Holmgren were both 3-point underdogs.

All five Mikes lost. None of the five covered the spread. In fact, none of the five even came within a touchdown of covering - the closest was the Rams, who were favoured by 5.5 and lost by 3, an 8.5 point difference (the worst being the Broncos, coming up a mere 28 points short of covering).

Let it be known that I will never again discount the Mike factor when making a NFL wager. And it Danny DeVito's defense, I quite liked Matilda.


At 1:26 p.m., Anonymous Colby Cosh said...

Simmons knows half of nothing about baseball and less if possible about hockey, but I get the sense he does NOT SCREW AROUND when it comes to NFL football. He has all these goofy little insights that seem to turn into money falling from the sky on Sundays.

At 2:03 p.m., Blogger Matt said...

Yeah, that hockey column he wrote after the lockout ended was the worst thing I've ever read from him. Why would anyone write a column about anything that begins roughly, "I haven't been paying attention to this for the past 10 years, but..."

At 3:02 p.m., Blogger Andy Grabia said...

Forget the playoffs, did you see Schottenheimer YESTERDAY? The Chargers have the ball inside the Dallas ten yard line with around a minute to play and one timeout still to burn. They are down by four, so a field goal won't do. With the most dominant running back in the game on their team, and four downs to go, Marty decides he is going to call four passing plays in a row. Of course, none of them work and the Chargers lose the game. Thank God I am not a Chargers fan. I would have hung myself after that one.

At 7:34 p.m., Anonymous Colby Cosh said...

Hanged yourself.

At 11:13 p.m., Blogger Andy Grabia said...

I believe either hanged or hung works. How do you know I didn't mean suspending myself on a wall like a painting?

I bow to your expertise, and feel even more pressure to edit every comment I make on this thing called the internet.

At 9:16 a.m., Blogger Matt said...

How about, "would have wished he was hung afterwards", or does that have its own set of problems...

At 9:55 a.m., Blogger Andy Grabia said...

I feel like I am in the middle of a Mel Brooks movie.


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